my stint as a calendar girl!

a friend and i took a trip to pretty boy reservoir, and at one point we were sitting on the shore with our feet in the water, having a nice conversation. up until this point, the day had been rather picturesque-- the weather was beautiful, there was hardly anyone else around, and we'd been having great discussions and enjoying the water. i even made some comments about how much more comfortable i felt in a bathing suit on that particular day than usual, in part because no one else was around and in part because i was getting more comfortable with myself in general.

so, as we are sitting there, we hear "dead or alive" by bon jovi blasting from a tiny boat pretty far away. since there was nothing between us and the boat except for water, which really carries sound, we could hear male voices loud and clear singing along, which gave us a good laugh. then, we heard bits and pieces of their conversation-- "did you get a crotch shot?"..."i got all up tight on that vagina"..."see, this is when having that camera is a good thing." i looked around and realized they were talking about us. there was no one else in sight. i had been sitting with one ankle on the opposite knee and i immediately changed positions so my legs were closed (like a real lady, right?). i could tell my friend heard some of what they were saying too, but we tried to talk over them and not let them spoil our fun.

as the boat got closer, we could hear them talking more and more about us--"they look real young"..."if you would turn that music down, i'd talk to them"..."what are you gonna do, ask if they have any grey poupon?" (laughter) "no i'd ask if they wanted to take a ride on a boat" (lots of laughter) "nah, they look real young". at a certain point, it became really hard to ignore and talk over them. they stared and talked about us the entire time it took them to pass by.

after they passed, we talked a little bit about how annoying and disgusting and lame the whole thing was, then we tried to get back to conversation that didn't involve those assholes. after a bit, my friend said, "i think they're still there." i had the same feeling. we both started putting clothes on over our bathing suits, and sure enough, the fuckers began to pass again, back in the direction they came from. "those sure are some cute little girls"..."we could make a real nice calendar from today"..."yeah, that eagle we saw before..." "yeah, we could make a wildlife calendar AND a titty calendar..."

by now, it was clear that we couldn't feel comfortable sitting in this awesome spot we had found. we finished gathering our things and left. it was a really clear example, to me, of how girls and women are implicitly given the message, through repeated experiences like this one, that they should not be comfortable in public without men accompanying them. my trip was shortened, and the great day i was enjoying with a friend turned into me feeling self-conscious about my body, gross because i was reduced to a "vagina," a "cute little girl" and an installment of a "titty calendar", angry that shit like this seems to be endless, and really uneasy that these men, who were around my father's age, had pictures of us "two little girls"--apparently closeups of body parts--who they obviously thought were even younger than we actually are.